Hello. Hello! Welcome to the Stay on the glow podcast. I’m your host Tonia and I’d like to start off today's episode with a fitting affirmation:

I show constant gratitude for the support and love in my life. 

You’ll find that I get on my soapbox about something or another often. Today, I am shouting from every angle of my being. Don’t lose good friends, which is so easy nowadays (with the pandemic, work, families, etc.). Good friends are not expendable. If you find a group of friends, even one friend that you know is invaluable, I implore you to do your best to stay connected. Maybe not as often as you like, but do not lose your friendships or casually think you can just reconnect later. Good friends are not handbags. You know if you have a really good friend or two, you are extremely blessed to have them. Do your best to keep them and keep them close. But of course, life sometimes has a tendency to throw lemons, curveballs, and pandemics. So what do you do when you have lost touch with your besties?

I recently found myself in a situation where I had basically lost touch with my dearest of friends. And my excuse was that I was going through so much personally that I thought they wouldn’t relate to; couple that with me moving so far away from them after seeing them almost every day for well over 10++ years. But that was so unfair to them. Basically, I was discounting their friendship as if they would hold it against me, and I was being very stupid and selfish because they were going through life too, and maybe not the same things, but things, we could relate to, have compassion for, and support one another through regardless. 

I almost lost my friends because I was afraid of losing my friends. Don’t be me. So if you find yourself in a situation where things like the pandemic, family responsibilities, your career or business, geographical distance, etc. have caused you to lose contact with long-time friends, here are a few tips to help you rekindle your friendship.

First, trying to reconnect after an extended time might feel awkward, and maybe even unnatural. But don’t keep putting reconnecting off. It just complicates things more, and you really could lose your friendship. Try sending your friend a simple text, email, phone call, or even social media message to start the communication up again. And again, you may feel worried about reaching out after so much time has passed and even a little scared doing so, but 1) you’ll know where you stand, and if you are still on the same page and 2) the chance to reconnect is so much more important and precious than allowing your fear to hold you back from getting back together with your friend. 

Next, and this is one I had to really grapple with, you are going to have to avoid or stop relentlessly blaming yourself for the blocks in communication. Yes, even if it really was your fault that communication became strained or nonexistent. And things happen, right? Let’s take the pandemic for example. That affected everyone worldwide. For sure we couldn’t physically connect like we used to. Outside of that, Work changed. School changed. Finances may have changed. If you had kids that couldn’t attend school, family members that became sick or may have unfortunately passed you had little time or energy for much. The last few years were difficult times and the effects are still ongoing. It’s completely understandable if you couldn’t keep in touch during this difficult time. 

And even, like in my situation, where there were other family and financial factors well before the pandemic, you can’t keep dwelling on what happened, and recognize that any blockages in your friendship are temporary. You should instead focus on the action you are taking now to rebuild your connection. 

And that action may involve you taking the initiative. Luckily, I have friends, who were basically like, Lord, this child. Let me try one more time to see if she is still breathing. But I know it can be hard to start a conversation with your old friend. I really really really wanted to reconnect but just felt I would be burdening them with my issues, and they had full lives. I needed to get it together and not bring these good people “down” with my misfortunes. But what did I say earlier? Thinking like that is basically saying your friends are not understanding, judgemental, and not supportive of you, and that is a horrible thing to say and feel about your true friends. You are not giving them a chance to be your friend. So let your friend be your friend. Send a few quick messages to say hello and see how they are doing. If possible, see if you all could even meet up. Just take the initiative to show your friend that you are still very eager to connect with them which lets them know that they are important to you. 

And when you do reconnect, please, please, please, resist the urge to dwell on the past. If you feel that the absence was basically your doing, Apologize if you feel you need to for the absence. Be sincere, but don’t go on and on. Explain what happened, and talk about making sure you do your best to stay connected moving forward. 

You’ve probably learned a lot about yourself by spending time away. You might have gained new perspectives on life or become more independent. And during your absence you maybe have personally become stronger overall, helping you to become an even better friend than before. 

Now, if the absence was more because of your friend distancing themselves, try to set aside any painful thoughts you may have about your time apart. No one is saying gloss over how that absence made you feel or affected you. Absolutely express how you feel, and how you may have been hurt by that distance, but if you really want to reconnect and rekindle your precious friendship, you must focus on moving forward and not what happened in the past. 

You can start by appreciating how your friendship is still strong, by recognizing the strength of your friendship, reminisce of many of the good times, and recognize all of the times you both did your best to be there for each other. And vow to stay connected as much as you can, and keep the communication open.

Quick examples that help break the ice when you do connect are maybe looking at old pictures, heading to one of your favorite places or events, just laughing about all of the crazy times you had together. That trip down memory lane will have you both feeling closer again, even after you were separated for so long. 

And share the good things that are going on in your life too. Your friend will be so happy to hear it and celebrate them too.

Now, if you initiate reconnecting with your friend, and maybe they don’t respond so readily, don’t give up on the first try. If they don’t respond as quickly as you thought they would, remember they may be swamped with life, if you truly consider them a friend, be understanding and supportive, and give them time and grace to respond. At the same time, if after a few attempts your friend is not responding, you are better trying again later, or honestly, moving on. Sometimes people are just not going to “reconnect” on the same level or at all, and you must be okay with that. You may now have different interests and lifestyles that simply don’t align. Just be grateful for the times you had and move on. 

Just know that if you really want to reconnect with your friends, the time is now. Reach out and connect with them today. Yes, that first communication may feel stiff and awkward, and you are scared, but more than likely, you two will soon find yourselves laughing and enjoying one another’s company again forever and ever.

Until next time, be well, treat yourself well, and we’ll chat soon.

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